The return to work

"Bryan doesn't drive a 1M" (bryantakespictures)
03/02/2020 at 10:20 • Filed to: None

My paternity leave from having my 2nd child is over and I have returned to work. Well, I’ve returned to the office. Thankfully I cleared my work queue for the most part before I left, so there’s not an enormous backlog that I’m returning to. During leave it was hard to even find time to shower or brush my teeth and now I’m going to work where there are other human beings that I have to spend a lot of time with...

My leave was amazing. Despite the challenges of taking care of a newborn, it was wonderful to get some quality time with my wife and daughter. My daughter especially seemed to love being at home so much with us (usually she’s in daycare during the week).

One of the highlights was going to Pacific Raceways with my daughter just to watch an HPDE day instead of drive. I gave her one of my old cameras and s he wanted to take pictures of all the red cars. She got frustrated with the shutter lag trying to get shots of the cars in motion, so she ended up having more fun getting pictures of the cars in the paddock. It was a great time and we brought home !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! to cap off the day.

DISCUSSION (13)

Chariotoflove > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
03/02/2020 at 10:30

That’s awesome. I miss not being there to take care of my kid as much as I’d like, even now when she’s a teenager. I sometimes feel like I’m a secondary parent for all the time I spend at work.

Textured Soy Protein > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
03/02/2020 at 10:33

I feel about as petrified as the dude in your picture. My weekend was chill and fine but could definitely have been longer.

So of course this morning I get on the elevator at work, and in it is this guy who’s been with the company for decades and loves telling unsolicited too-long stories of what the company was like 30+ years ago .

He said something to me like, “how are you doing on this fine Monday?” I replied, “I’d be better if it was still the weekend,” and he was palpably deflated at the thought of someone not being super stoked to be coming in to work on a Monday morning.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
03/02/2020 at 10:48

I was in grad school when my daughter was born, so I had lots of time to spend with her when she was little. I got a few months with my son when he was born, but after a few months, I finally landed a job. That put me in the thick of the rat race for the next few years while my wife stayed at home with the little ones. Once they were old enough, I shifted my work hours so I could volunteer for their after-school activities. That gave me the chance to help coach soccer, tee ball, swimming, volleyball, and track. That really strengthened our bond.

Now that I’m traveling all the time, I miss those days. My wife says they spend most of their evenings during the week holed up in their rooms. At least we make the best of the weekends and set aside time to hang out so we can make up for time missed during the week.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Chariotoflove
03/02/2020 at 11:02

Me too!

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > Chariotoflove
03/02/2020 at 11:30

My wife works too, so we get to share that guilt together!

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > TheRealBicycleBuck
03/02/2020 at 11:33

It’s the quality time that really matters. Travelin g all the time with kids would be tough. I’m pretty fortunate in my job with flexibility and minimal travel. Yet I still don’t feel like there’s enough time in the day.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > Textured Soy Protein
03/02/2020 at 11:35

That guy (except less enthused about being at work, I guess) used to be in the cubicle next to me and was one of the only people there on the same early arrival schedule as me. He had me captive for 2 hours until anyone else showed up. He was miserable at the company and thankfully quit before dragging me too deep with him.

Textured Soy Protein > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
03/02/2020 at 11:47

Yes, my conversation hostage-taker genuinely likes where he works. He was noticeably disappointed with my lack of Monday morning enthusiasm.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
03/02/2020 at 11:50

I did very little traveling when they were younger. But when they made it to high school and the only option I had was to travel or look for other work, I chose to travel.

Your perspective is a bit different than most parents. While I’ve always loved hanging out with my kids, it was not the socially acceptable thing to do. This hit home the last year we participated on the swim team. My role with the team was as assistant coach and lifeguard. When we had the year-end party, they hired a lifeguard so I wouldn’t have to be on the stand while everyone was swimming. I took the opportunity to jump in the pool with them. My kids and I were playing with some diving toys when my wife came to the poolside and asked me to get out. Some of the parents were making a big deal about an adult being in the pool with the kids, even though the only ones I was interacting with were my own kids.

N ever mind that we came to the pool as a family regularly and swam with our kids as did many other adults. That was also my workout time as I had to stay in shape to be the team lifeguard. I would swim my laps, then hang out with the kiddos.

I started asking other parents how often they swam in their own backyard pools. Very few of them swam at all. Pools were for kids. Not adults.

Louisiana people are strange.

Spend as much time with your kids as you can. It’s worth it.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > TheRealBicycleBuck
03/02/2020 at 12:55

That’s a frustrating story. People love to tell others what to do.

I do find that as a dad, people are surprised when I go out one-on-one with my daughter. It’s always been a positive thing so far, but I find it strange when people will say things like “super dad” to me simply for walking in a store with my daughter. Is the bar that low?

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > Textured Soy Protein
03/02/2020 at 12:56

I like my job, but there’s no reason to be enthusiastic about being in the office.

Chariotoflove > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
03/02/2020 at 12:57

Both my patents worked. I wonder how much they felt like I do. I suspect my father less than Mom, but I’m not actually sure.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M
03/02/2020 at 14:23

Unfortunately, yes. I think the most recent attit ud e is caused by the baby-daddy culture . People just don’t expect fathers to be a part of their children’s lives anymore. Before that, it was absentee fathers who spent all of their time working and didn’t participate in their kids’ lives.